Due to repeated interactions with women on this subject I just thought I'll jot down a few pointers I would like to share with any women within my circle, such as my sister and my friends. If anyone has absolutely no idea about these two terms or what differentiates them, it would be best to first invest some time looking it up online.
Sexual Violence:
This includes everything that is physically harmful and damaging to a person, be it woman or man. Examples are rape, physical abuse, genital mutilation, for that matter mutilation of any part because of sex and sex trafficking. What this should be telling everyone, and especially victims, is that sexual violence is classified as a crime by all justice systems in all democracies. And another thing is that a crime is settled in a criminal court. And in criminal courts the level of evidence required for conviction is "beyond reasonable doubt". This means even if a crime has taken place, in order to be able to prosecute the perpetrator, evidence and corroboration has to be accurate. Even though this standard seems atrocious at first sight, it is this same standard that is making sure that innocents are given protection by this system. A common saying that would reflect this philosophy is to rather let a guilty man walk than convict an innocent.
So what does this mean to women and other victims of sexual violence (I will focus on women from now on, since they are statistically more likely to be preyed upon than other groups). They have to report immediately to the police. Not to your priests, not to your parents, not to your friends but only to the police. And this should be done immediately. Before taking a wash, before changing clothes, before losing any evidence. Hair, bodily fluids, scratches, bruises are all to be collected for evidence immediately. There can be no excuse for not doing this step. Many agencies dealing with rape victims are very hesitant to advice women who have just been raped, and leave the decision making process to the victim, in what she feels comfortable. Though this is understandable, this is the most wrong thing to do from my personal point of view. And for the following reasons.
Sexual violence is not and never has been because of the victim. Victims of sexual violence should try to deal with this crime like any other crime, such as pickpocketing or burglary. There need not be any shame in being the victim and there is nothing you could have done to avoid it. It is just a very horrible thing that happened. But unlike an exploding volcano or an earthquake, there is a human being behind this deed. And this is the information every girl needs to hear when things are fine, not after she has been subjected to this experience. Girls need to understand that it can be their fathers, brothers, uncles, grandfathers, neighbours, colleagues, friends and lastly strangers. Famous strangers, professors, doctors, men in respectable positions like presidents are all included. This has to be known to women as soon as they enter puberty. And not going to the police because you don't want to ruin his life and family is the worst argument to make or hold on to. That person is a liability to society and all his dear and near ones, and should be punished accordingly.
So all that I can implore every woman, is to think about these things in the comfort of her home when things are calm and peaceful so that she may do the right thing were this to happen. Doing anything else is like hiding your head in the sand.
Sexual violence is a crime and has to be brought in front of the justice system. And you should do all that you can to ensure that the crime is "beyond reasonable doubt".
@note to men: There is never a situation where sexual violence is acceptable. Not when she is drunk, not when she is passed out, not when she is lying naked in your own bed but is unable to give you her consent. Walk away, and save yourself a load of trouble. Never ever have fornicate with someone who is incapable of making a judgement call.
Sexual Harassment:
In contrast to sexual violence, sexual harassment is not classified as crime. Meaning, the most important difference is that the cases are settled in a civil court. This in turn means that there is no longer a requirement for "beyond reasonable doubt" and "beyond probable doubt" is sufficient for a conviction. Furthermore, the viewpoint of the victim has a higher significance when the probability of the harassment is being investigated. This has a simple enough explanation. In most cases, it is fundamentally hard to collect evidence, or always search for corroborating witnesses. A slap in the butt, or a lewd remark can never stand the test of a cross examination. So men and women, who have tendencies to misuse their power, should be warned about what it means to be accused of sexual harassments. Furthermore, since this is not a crime, the first instance of reporting a sexual harassment at work is your manager. If the actions taken by the company are not reasonable, you have the option to move a civil court. There is a long list of things that can be classified as sexual harassment, including commenting on looks, figure, clothing, enquiring of ones personal life. Sexual harassment is even when a pin up woman is found in your factory floor and a woman employed who is not working there happens to walk by it and is offended.
@note to women: Please stop saying no with a smile. Please do not act coy when you are brushing off advances. Please raise your voice when your aggressor has trouble hearing you. Please practise this in front of the mirror. Do not go to a guys place alone after a party, for drinks or for a cup of coffee and a night chat, if you have absolutely no intentions of letting him touch you. And please do not listen to other women, to tell you when to start getting offended. Every woman has her own views of what men are and what she can tolerate. And on another note; try not to be offended when a guy compliments you for your looks or when he wants to invite you to a cup of coffee. Not all men are jerks, and most will just move on if they hear a no.
@note to men: If you ever hear a no, walk away, even if she is a goddess walking on this planet. It is not worth the trouble. And do so without emotion. The more emotions you invest into this, the more credibility you are giving to her decision.
With all this said, I hope we can still all live together with a bit of flirting, coyness and gallantry.
Sexual Violence:
This includes everything that is physically harmful and damaging to a person, be it woman or man. Examples are rape, physical abuse, genital mutilation, for that matter mutilation of any part because of sex and sex trafficking. What this should be telling everyone, and especially victims, is that sexual violence is classified as a crime by all justice systems in all democracies. And another thing is that a crime is settled in a criminal court. And in criminal courts the level of evidence required for conviction is "beyond reasonable doubt". This means even if a crime has taken place, in order to be able to prosecute the perpetrator, evidence and corroboration has to be accurate. Even though this standard seems atrocious at first sight, it is this same standard that is making sure that innocents are given protection by this system. A common saying that would reflect this philosophy is to rather let a guilty man walk than convict an innocent.
So what does this mean to women and other victims of sexual violence (I will focus on women from now on, since they are statistically more likely to be preyed upon than other groups). They have to report immediately to the police. Not to your priests, not to your parents, not to your friends but only to the police. And this should be done immediately. Before taking a wash, before changing clothes, before losing any evidence. Hair, bodily fluids, scratches, bruises are all to be collected for evidence immediately. There can be no excuse for not doing this step. Many agencies dealing with rape victims are very hesitant to advice women who have just been raped, and leave the decision making process to the victim, in what she feels comfortable. Though this is understandable, this is the most wrong thing to do from my personal point of view. And for the following reasons.
Sexual violence is not and never has been because of the victim. Victims of sexual violence should try to deal with this crime like any other crime, such as pickpocketing or burglary. There need not be any shame in being the victim and there is nothing you could have done to avoid it. It is just a very horrible thing that happened. But unlike an exploding volcano or an earthquake, there is a human being behind this deed. And this is the information every girl needs to hear when things are fine, not after she has been subjected to this experience. Girls need to understand that it can be their fathers, brothers, uncles, grandfathers, neighbours, colleagues, friends and lastly strangers. Famous strangers, professors, doctors, men in respectable positions like presidents are all included. This has to be known to women as soon as they enter puberty. And not going to the police because you don't want to ruin his life and family is the worst argument to make or hold on to. That person is a liability to society and all his dear and near ones, and should be punished accordingly.
So all that I can implore every woman, is to think about these things in the comfort of her home when things are calm and peaceful so that she may do the right thing were this to happen. Doing anything else is like hiding your head in the sand.
Sexual violence is a crime and has to be brought in front of the justice system. And you should do all that you can to ensure that the crime is "beyond reasonable doubt".
@note to men: There is never a situation where sexual violence is acceptable. Not when she is drunk, not when she is passed out, not when she is lying naked in your own bed but is unable to give you her consent. Walk away, and save yourself a load of trouble. Never ever have fornicate with someone who is incapable of making a judgement call.
Sexual Harassment:
In contrast to sexual violence, sexual harassment is not classified as crime. Meaning, the most important difference is that the cases are settled in a civil court. This in turn means that there is no longer a requirement for "beyond reasonable doubt" and "beyond probable doubt" is sufficient for a conviction. Furthermore, the viewpoint of the victim has a higher significance when the probability of the harassment is being investigated. This has a simple enough explanation. In most cases, it is fundamentally hard to collect evidence, or always search for corroborating witnesses. A slap in the butt, or a lewd remark can never stand the test of a cross examination. So men and women, who have tendencies to misuse their power, should be warned about what it means to be accused of sexual harassments. Furthermore, since this is not a crime, the first instance of reporting a sexual harassment at work is your manager. If the actions taken by the company are not reasonable, you have the option to move a civil court. There is a long list of things that can be classified as sexual harassment, including commenting on looks, figure, clothing, enquiring of ones personal life. Sexual harassment is even when a pin up woman is found in your factory floor and a woman employed who is not working there happens to walk by it and is offended.
@note to women: Please stop saying no with a smile. Please do not act coy when you are brushing off advances. Please raise your voice when your aggressor has trouble hearing you. Please practise this in front of the mirror. Do not go to a guys place alone after a party, for drinks or for a cup of coffee and a night chat, if you have absolutely no intentions of letting him touch you. And please do not listen to other women, to tell you when to start getting offended. Every woman has her own views of what men are and what she can tolerate. And on another note; try not to be offended when a guy compliments you for your looks or when he wants to invite you to a cup of coffee. Not all men are jerks, and most will just move on if they hear a no.
@note to men: If you ever hear a no, walk away, even if she is a goddess walking on this planet. It is not worth the trouble. And do so without emotion. The more emotions you invest into this, the more credibility you are giving to her decision.
With all this said, I hope we can still all live together with a bit of flirting, coyness and gallantry.
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